My letter to George…

My dearest little boy,

I am certain you know how much I love you. If I have said it once today, I have said it a hundred times. You have taught me so much about life, but you have taught me even more about love. I have learned from you to not take time or life for granted, for we never know what tomorrow will bring.

For the last five years I have held you in my arms and protected you from everything that I could. I asked questions when I wasn’t satisfied, I have demanded action when I thought it was needed, and I have fought for what I thought was right for you. And it’s been worth every sleepless night and every tear-filled moment.

George, summer 2010, before we had a diagnosis more than "failure to thrive." This picture sometimes makes me cringe...wishing I could go back and cheer myself on...pushing harder. But you know what they say about hindsight.

George, summer 2010, before we had a diagnosis more than “failure to thrive.” This picture sometimes makes me cringe…wishing I could go back and cheer myself on…pushing harder. But you know what they say about hindsight.

I have spent so much time ensuring that you have a long life…and now it’s time for me to let you live.

Kindergarten. I wasn’t sure this day would come. They’ve said from the beginning that we can’t take the little things for granted. That there’s a chance that some day we’ll have to start over – you may need to learn things over and over again. They’ve warned us about regressions and delays. But they weren’t prepared for you.

They do not know your spirit. But I do.

This is the George that we know and love...he just needed a little help getting to this point. We sometimes slip, and it's  not all roses, but that smile and those eyes make it all worthwhile.

This is the George that we know and love…he just needed a little help getting to this point. We sometimes slip, and it’s not all roses, but that smile and those eyes make it all worthwhile.

You will get on a bus this morning and start a new chapter. And I will have to fight against every fiber in my being to keep you safe with me. The world does not know how to protect you like I do. I can tell them all they need to know, but that does not mean that they will understand what’s on the line. But you will show them.

They will see the light in your eyes, and they will understand. You are not just a little boy going to kindergarten. You are hope. You are love. You are life.

Yep. This pretty well sums him up.

Yep. This pretty well sums him up.

My dearest George, you are meant for great things. Your story was written before time began. You will touch people in ways that they won’t understand for years to come.

You are going to school to learn so many new lessons. But what they don’t know is that you will teach so many as well.

You have faced adversity and tribulations that many could never imagine. And yet, you continue to trust with a loving heart that so freely gives that it sometimes takes my breath away.

Kindergarten. Such a big step. I’ve worked so hard to ensure that you’ve been growing. I forgot that it means that you’re also growing up.

This is what love...and hope...looks like.

This is what love…and hope…looks like.

I do not know what the future holds. And I would be lying to you if I said that I wasn’t scared. And I’ve always promised not to lie to you. Even when something may hurt. And as much as this hurts me, and as unsure as I am, I know that I can not hold you back. Even if I wanted to.

My dearest little boy, as you walk into that school tomorrow, I can only hope to be half as strong as you are. And never mind Mom if her eyes are a little damp, and she holds you just a little longer – I’d hold you forever if I could.

I know it’s just the first day of kindergarten – but I think I know what it feels like to have sent the first mission to the moon. I’ll rest easy once you’ve landed back home.

I love you, little man – to the moon and back.


8 thoughts on “My letter to George…

  1. God sends us our children to teach us life’s most valuable lessons. You have been and will continue to be a great student! Give George a hug for us…(my dad’s name was George, too!)

  2. That was so beautifully written! George is an extra special little guy. And, mother’s hearts feel the as we send our children off into the world, no matter at what age.

  3. What wonderful words, a Mother’s pride and heartache at the same time. Our job to protect, yet teach and let go. May George had a wonderful first day of school, that smile makes me happy just looking at him. May God watch over him while he is away from your arms. Have fun George!

  4. You are one special mom, Val. You don’t know what you have in you until it is one of your kids in trouble. Then the ‘momma bear’ comes out in you. It is amazing how the love for your children can make you grow in so many ways that you don’t even realize! They are your heart and soul and your very reason for existing. I love watching you girls as you grow into women and mothers and seeing you change and finding out what is really important in life, compared to when we were young, single and our whole future ahead of us. Children are our future and our legacy. As your boys grow you will marvel even more as they turn into young men, and wonder how they got to be so awesome. Just remember, it was you and Mark that are the reason they will be so awsome.

  5. Beautiful post that ought to be required reading for all parents this time of year … especially those with pre-schoolers. Appreciate your wisdom, as a fellow blogger and as a mom who will send kids to school next week (including 2 to high school, yikes). Take care.

    • Thank you! This blog started as a legacy for my four boys…and this letter will definitely be something I will read to George from time to time. It’s amazing how quickly time flies.

  6. Pingback: Women in Ag: Valiant Val Wagner from North Dakota

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